Drawing Near

 I was brushing my five-year old’s teeth the other night and in my rush I swerved up Chase’s cheek, leaving a trail of fluoride foam and nearly poking his eye.

“Mommy!” Toothpaste dribbled past Chase’s chin at the quizzical word.

“Sorry honey. Almost done. Open up.”

I wiped it off and continued brushing, frustration percolating like morning coffee because the time change set our boys’ bedtime back. It was rapidly approaching 9:00 and Chase had two pages in his reader to finish, plus we usually read a book together before bed, followed by nighttime prayers.

Adding to my busy evening was a mile-high pile of dishes in the sink matched by a sizeable mound of clean laundry on our bed. My tired mind went back over the 400 plus pages of my book I’m slowly editing through and the 3 page synopsis and cover letter I needed to write in order to submit to a publisher.

Amidst my work, keeping up our home, and children and their homework, I was also missing my favorite engineer. As I type this Trev is traipsing inside and outside, under and over a big bridge in Jacksonville for a four-day inspection.

A long sigh escaped my lips at the weary woman reflected in the mirror.

Like the bold raccoons that get into neighborhood garbage cans under the cloak of night, self-pity and frustration scurried toward my heart that evening.  Too easily those emotions mix and turn into the devil’s favorite brew, bitterness.  

Experience has taught me that God’s word and prayer are the best tools to keep my emotions in check and my heart under control of the Holy Spirit. I yearned to sit down with my Bible in hand and nothing in my heart or mind but the hungry anticipation of His grace.

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” ~ Hebrews 4:16

 “I need Your grace, Lord.”

“What’s grace?” Chase looked up and I realized I’d spoken out loud.

“Grace is God’s gift to us through Jesus. He always gives us enough to get through.”  

Chase nodded, satisfied, then ran out of the bathroom. I called Cole in and started over, my mind still circling around how much I needed God’s grace that day.

Every day.

“A man can no more take in a supply of grace for the future than he can eat enough for the next six months, or take sufficient air into his lungs at one time to sustain life for a week. We must draw upon God’s boundless store of grace from day to day, as we need it.” ~ D.L. Moody

When I find myself grace-dehydrated, world-weary, and growing self-pity like a field infested with knee-high weeds, it’s always a result of not spending daily, intimate, open-heart and open-will times of prayer with my Heavenly Father. How can I draw on His grace when I’m not spending time with Him and His word and listening for His voice? How will I discern His will and His way when I’m not being faithful in prayer and seeking Him?

I can’t.

I finished my dirty dishes and spent time drawing near to the throne of grace. Jesus. Like a soft and warm homemade blanket, God’s grace covered me. Amazing grace. Undeserved, unmerited, always enough, and only found through our Savior and the cross.

For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, that you through His poverty might become rich.”

~ 2 Corinthians 8:9

Just You and Me

 

“Mom, it’s just you and me…”

Chase’s voice peeked softly from behind me. We were driving to the credit union in Brandon so I could activate my new debit card. Cole and Chase started their YMCA soccer season that Saturday, and it was a beautiful fall morning with sunny skies and perfect temps in the low 70s.

Chase had practice at 10 followed by a game at 11, while Cole’s age group practiced at 11 then played their game at 12:00. Because I had to make it to the bank before 1:00, Chase and I headed out during Cole’s game. It felt strange with only one monkey in the truck, and I prayed Cole’s game would go well and he would have fun. I looked forward to hearing the game report from Trevor later.

As we drove toward the bank, Chase chatted excitedly about soccer, his enthusiasm still pulsing even though they lost the game. As we passed the pet store on the way to the bank, I was reminded of the many occasions I’d spent with Chase here and at other places while running errands. After all, Cole had been in VPK, Kindergarten and 1^st grade for the past three years, so Chase and I had a lot of time together.

Not lately, though. Chase was in Kindergarten now, and I realized how much I missed that one-on-one time with him.

“My voice You shall hear in the morning, O Lord;

In the morning I will direct it to You, and I will look up.”

~ Psalm 5:3

“Just you and me.” Parents learn that with multiple children, conversations often burst apart like sunrays fragmenting through thickly-needled pine trees, each golden ray worthy of admiration and further inspection. Chatty voices fill up vehicles and homes, growing louder in order to be heard above the cacaphony of youth. Children feed off each other, leaving their serious questions and thoughtful ponderings in the dust as they tease and tickle and test.

When I’m one-on-one with my boys, I love that precious uninterrupted time to talk and wonder, time to answer questions and address concerns that lay heavy in serious blue eyes. It’s putting parental love into action – living out quality time – by giving them our best with our attention and focus.

I made a mental note to set aside alone time with Cole as well.

Lately I’ve been lacking that quality alone time with my Creator, and there’s a throbbing void in my life.  I started a job a few weeks back and the mornings are as rapid-fire as the rest of my hamster-on-a-wheel day. I’ve been blessed as a stay-at-home mom to be able to send the boys off to school and Trev off to work, grab a steaming cup of tea, make breakfast and read my Bible slowly, poring over pages uninterrupted.

My schedule is tighter now, with no wasted moments (in other words, no Facebook in the morning!). Sometimes I find myself forgoing the precious time in God’s word to email someone, finish an article, chat on the phone, or just catch a few more minutes of sleep. I’m missing the alone time with my Savior, that sweet pause in life when I can quiet my heart and mind and listen for His voice.

Oswald Chambers noted,“The lasting value of our public service for God is measured by the depth of the intimacy of our private times of fellowship and oneness with him.”

I learn over and over that I can’t hold fast the confession of my hope without wavering unless I’m holding tight to God’s word and spending time with Him, one-on-one. I waver and wobble in life when I’m going it alone, a redeemed child running ahead of the most important Person in my life – my Redeemer.

God desires one-on-one time with each of His children even more than I do with my sweet boys, time we can savor with our Savior. We need those precious moments alone so we can say, “It’s just You and me, Lord” and give Him our best.   

As the deer pants for the water brooks,

So pants my soul for You, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. ~ Psalm 42:1 & 2