Drawing Near

 I was brushing my five-year old’s teeth the other night and in my rush I swerved up Chase’s cheek, leaving a trail of fluoride foam and nearly poking his eye.

“Mommy!” Toothpaste dribbled past Chase’s chin at the quizzical word.

“Sorry honey. Almost done. Open up.”

I wiped it off and continued brushing, frustration percolating like morning coffee because the time change set our boys’ bedtime back. It was rapidly approaching 9:00 and Chase had two pages in his reader to finish, plus we usually read a book together before bed, followed by nighttime prayers.

Adding to my busy evening was a mile-high pile of dishes in the sink matched by a sizeable mound of clean laundry on our bed. My tired mind went back over the 400 plus pages of my book I’m slowly editing through and the 3 page synopsis and cover letter I needed to write in order to submit to a publisher.

Amidst my work, keeping up our home, and children and their homework, I was also missing my favorite engineer. As I type this Trev is traipsing inside and outside, under and over a big bridge in Jacksonville for a four-day inspection.

A long sigh escaped my lips at the weary woman reflected in the mirror.

Like the bold raccoons that get into neighborhood garbage cans under the cloak of night, self-pity and frustration scurried toward my heart that evening.  Too easily those emotions mix and turn into the devil’s favorite brew, bitterness.  

Experience has taught me that God’s word and prayer are the best tools to keep my emotions in check and my heart under control of the Holy Spirit. I yearned to sit down with my Bible in hand and nothing in my heart or mind but the hungry anticipation of His grace.

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” ~ Hebrews 4:16

 “I need Your grace, Lord.”

“What’s grace?” Chase looked up and I realized I’d spoken out loud.

“Grace is God’s gift to us through Jesus. He always gives us enough to get through.”  

Chase nodded, satisfied, then ran out of the bathroom. I called Cole in and started over, my mind still circling around how much I needed God’s grace that day.

Every day.

“A man can no more take in a supply of grace for the future than he can eat enough for the next six months, or take sufficient air into his lungs at one time to sustain life for a week. We must draw upon God’s boundless store of grace from day to day, as we need it.” ~ D.L. Moody

When I find myself grace-dehydrated, world-weary, and growing self-pity like a field infested with knee-high weeds, it’s always a result of not spending daily, intimate, open-heart and open-will times of prayer with my Heavenly Father. How can I draw on His grace when I’m not spending time with Him and His word and listening for His voice? How will I discern His will and His way when I’m not being faithful in prayer and seeking Him?

I can’t.

I finished my dirty dishes and spent time drawing near to the throne of grace. Jesus. Like a soft and warm homemade blanket, God’s grace covered me. Amazing grace. Undeserved, unmerited, always enough, and only found through our Savior and the cross.

For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, that you through His poverty might become rich.”

~ 2 Corinthians 8:9


2 thoughts on “Drawing Near

  1. I am posting Hebrews 4:16 on my rear-view mirror! I need that to keep the little foxes from my heart. BTW – I am SOOOO glad I don’t have to brush and floss my boys teeth anymore. That is one of the benefits of them growing up. I do miss the bedtime reading, though:(

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