Mindful of Me

“Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away.” ~ Matthew 24:35

Who does God love more, me or the bible?”

All I could do that morning was stare, unblinking and open-mouthed, at our 8-year-old. The burdensome laundry basket in my hands thudded to the carpet.

Each season of parenting presents new and challenging moments, and this summer in particular the boys – especially Cole – have bombarded me with questions I can’t always answer, at least not quickly. Our older son is a certified book-worm, devouring any and all words in front of his face, whether it’s a book or a Highlights magazine or the back of the cereal box, and his questions and comments have lately made speechless the new normal.

“Mommy, what’s a quark?”

“How deep is the Marianas Trench?”

“Why do people make movies that kill people and are scary?”

Who does God love more, me or the Bible?

I sagged against the nearest wall, praying silently for wisdom – Lord, please give me words to answer him. Nothing means more to my heart than sharing and passing on a love of Jesus Christ to our boys – training up a child in the Way he should go.

“Well, I think God loves you more. He gave us His word to guide our lives, and He loves the bible, but I think He loves you more. He created you.”

Cole pondered that for a moment, his eyes measuring the surprise I still wore on my face. I couldn’t resist reaching in for a belly button tickle. Cole’s solemn face broke and his bubbling giggle lightened the moment, and I smiled as he trotted back into the playroom.

Later I found myself wondering about his question, echoing to my faithful Creator an adult version of what Cole had asked me.

How can You love selfish, sinner me – a child who grew up in Your word but too often relies on self instead of faith – more than the Word? Your holy, perfect Word?

Who am I that You are mindful of me, God?

“When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have ordained, what is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of man that You visit him? For You have made him a little lower than the angels, and You have crowned him with glory and honor.” ~ Psalm 8:3 & 4

God used Cole’s question to gently prod me deeper into His word and into unceasing prayer. I searched scripture and waited for His answer, putting off this post and leaving my heart open for God to speak His truth.

Mindful of me?

After all, God’s word is pure, it’s a shield, a lamp and a light, and provides perfect wisdom to the reader whose heart is emptied of pride and beating with faith. I know the bible is living and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword because it has cut through my heart too many times to count, clear through stagnant loads of sin and rebelliousness and pride.

“Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.” ~Proverbs 30:5

“Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path.” ~ Psalm 119:105

“The entrance of Your words gives light; It gives understanding to the simple.” ~ Psalm 119:130

“For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” ~ Hebrews 4:12

I wondered and whined, prayed and pondered….we’re of the dust, Lord, but Your word will never pass away. We will pass away, apart from Jesus, but the Bible will not. Your word will stand forever.

How can You love me more? The devil gleefully pitched insecurity fast balls my way, and I struggled to catch the idea that God would love me more than His perfect word.

Can it be…He is mindful of me?

Tonight we put the boys to bed, hoping for some peace and quiet the evening of our 12th anniversary. A few minutes later, Chase poked his head out the door, his blond hair catching the dim hallway light.

“Hug?” He asked. I sighed and slowly got up, heading into their room. In the near-darkness I saw that he’d jumped into his bed, snuggled under the covers, and had both arms reaching up, up.

“Hug,” he whispered again.

I kneeled across Chase’s bed, fitting into his eager child’s embrace. Everything stilled and warmed and enveloped us as we lay heart to heart. My son’s little hand rubbed around my back in circles, his smooth child’s cheek pressed against mine and his soft breath fanning my hair…

Yes. This. This. Mindful of this.

“And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.” ~ Genesis 2:7

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” ~ John 3:16 & 17

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One thought on “Mindful of Me

  1. Bryan August 6, 2012 at 7:31 am Reply

    Fantastic post…and beautifully written. Thanks for sharing!

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