Fearfully and Wonderfully

“Mom, why did God make me?”

My ears perked up like a Golden Retriever at the sharp squeak of its favorite ball.

6-year old Chase took in my facial expression as I processed his question, and the email I was working on was lost in training-up-a-child translation. I adore this part of parenting – the sling-shot, emotionally charged, Marianas Trench-deep spiritual questions our boys pose during the mundane moments of life.

Chase loves hearing stories about when he and his brother were younger and when I was pregnant with them. He wore a slap-happy grin when I told him about the thank you card I was writing out for a friend’s baby shower gift when I was 7 months pregnant. In the card, I apologized for taking so long to get to her, mainly because I had to chase 16-month old Cole around. Seeing those two names together, Chase and Cole, clicked a light on in my brain, and even though we’d initially avoided using another ‘C’ name, we agreed Chase Matthew would be perfect.

Chase lived up to his name, starting a crab-crawl at 6 months and surprising us by taking his first wobbly steps on a cold January day when he was 9 months old. His determination was spurred on by a desire to get what his older brother had and do what his older brother was doing.

As I thought about Chase’s sweet question, scripture flew full-steam through my mind, verses stating unequivocally that we’re made in God’s image (Genesis 1:26 & 27), and that our Creator loves us so much He sent His Son Jesus – Immanuel, God with us – as a perfect sacrifice to cover our sin (John 3:16, Isaiah 7:14).

But my favorite portion of life-affirming scripture touting our unique design by God is a potent Psalm penned by King David.

For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.

My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.

And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. ~ Psalm 139: 13-16

A few months ago, the Lord directed me to read Psalm 139 with the boys, and for a couple of weeks we read over this Psalm, focusing on verses 13-16. I treasure that time and plan to read it with them again, soon.

Our children need to know they’re sinners, separated from God by a heart that naturally seeks self over everything else, and that’s why we need Jesus. They also need to know they’re loved by us – unconditionally – and that their Creator loves them even more than we do! He created them on purpose and for a purpose and their lives are unique and necessary and special.

I reminded Chase that he’s “fearfully and wonderfully” made by God, and I wrapped my arms around his growing shoulders and simply told him, “God made you because He wanted a Chase Matthew in the world.”

Remind your kids that they’re unique creations, loved by God and purposed by Him and for Him.



Tall, Taller, Tallest

Cole and Chase’s school was having a uniform sale one afternoon, and I lingered around the long table browsing shorts, pants, and shirts. It was a great opportunity to purchase uniforms for next year more cheaply while helping the Junior class raise money.

As I reached for a pen in my purse I noticed Cole and Chase circling a lanky high school student dribbling a basketball. A couple other kids joined them, turning the walkway in front of the gymnasium into a mini-basketball court. Their youthful faces were lit with the sunshine of basketball delight.

Not Cole. His face was intent and serious, beads of sweat forming and tracing down his cheeks as he focused on the teenager’s adept movements. I glanced at my younger son. Chase had an ear-to-ear grin and was bouncing about like an Easter bunny after downing a bag of Dove chocolates.

The young man dribbling in and through the happy hive of younger kids was having fun and playing nicely, so I knew it wasn’t a case of Cole being treated unkindly. After handing over my check, I called the boys over. The teenager glanced my way, said something to Cole, and patted his back.

“Good job. See you tomorrow, Cole.” I couldn’t help noticing that my tall older son looked noticeably shorter when standing next to Mr. Tall Teenager, who had probably waved goodbye to 6 foot last year and was all arms, legs and pancake hands.

Cole. At 7 1/2, he struggles with certain details in life – realizations that come easily to Chase, but elude him in his wobbly quest for perfection. I pray daily about how to parent both children, about how to teach and model for Cole that he won’t be the best at everything and there’s always someone better than him, but that God made him just the way he’s supposed to be and he has lots of strengths.

We pray that Cole will be confident in who God created him to be without the burden of envy weighing on his growing bones.

A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones. ~ Proverbs 14:30

As the boys walked over, the Holy Spirit tweaked my soul, reminding that what’s truth for my children is truth for me as well. Were my bones rotting under the damaging weight of envy?

That morning I’d prayed Psalm 139:23 & 24, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”  As a networked writer, I see other writers’ success splashed across Facebook and writing blogs daily, pictures of their books on shelves and breakdowns of book sales and ebook rankings, and I cheer for them and pray for their success.

But – I admit – there are moments when I scrunch my face in want, feeling the bone-heavy envy that God’s word warns explicitly against. God’s word is truly “living and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit…a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12), and I felt the Lord convicting me of the ugly, damaging sin of envy.

“For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are.” ~ James 3:16

As the boys trotted over and we loaded up, I read frustration and disappointment on Cole’s face. I handed them their water bottles, cranked up the air, and turned around in my seat to look at my red-faced son.

“Who would win if I raced against Michael Phelps in the pool?”

“Maybe you mommy.” I tried not to snort, tucking that away for a future blog post about faith.  

“Not happening, honey. He’s an Olympic athlete who’s trained for hours, days, weeks, months, years. He has much more experience and I’d be left in his wake. The teenager playing basketball is like that.”

“He’s taller than me!”

“Cole, he’s 10 years older than you! He’s supposed to be taller than you. In 10 years you might be that tall and the roles will be reversed. You’ll play keepaway with the younger kids. Right now just practice and have fun, honey. Don’t compare yourself to a 17 year old.”

 Later I felt the Lord tapping my heart, reminding me that it doesn’t matter who’s tall, taller, or tallest. We’re each purposed for God’s glory. I’ve been called to write for Him and that includes cheering on other writers and their successes and trusting Him in this awesome, life-long process of letting His Word direct my words.

Don’t compare yourself to others or allow envy into your bones. You’re fearfully and wonderfully made by Him and for Him, and that’s the long and short of it.